TIPS FOR GRAND PARENTING

Helen Nicholaou

Some thirty years ago, my elder brother had his first child - my parents' first grandchild. I heard my mother telling my brother that she would never babysit for anybody. Some of my siblings were shocked and others were disappointed, I was one of them. My father, however, was more sympathetic towards my brother and took over the role of grand-parenting. After watching my father and others like him over the past thirteen years, here are some tips that might be helpful for this important role.

1. You are not the parents
I think this is the number one rule all grandparents have to remember. How you used to raise your children thirty years ago is vastly different from what happens these days. Your methods and styles are definitely different from your son, daughter, son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Consult with them. Discuss with them about what you see and how you feel. Listen to their views and respect their decisions. Much friction can be diffused if you are on the same side as the parents.

2. Take care of yourself first
a) Check your fitness status. You may be a young grandparent but don't bend your back to feed them. Don't run around for an hour to make sure they finish the meal. Sit them down, better still eat with them. Have a daily routine. Do not take them to the playground if you cannot catch up. Shouting at them to stop running or jumping is not helpful.

b) Take care of your emotional health – Your grandchild may be the apple of your eye but the other parts of your life are equally important and should not be neglected. Go marketing with your spouse. Have morning coffee with your neighbors. Plan a day trip with your friends. Participate in the life of the community. Engage in recreational activities, volunteer, make new friends, expand your social circle. Make time for yourself. Life can be colourful, even as a grandparent.

3. Managing your grand children
a) Getting up early is a good habit. Take your grandchildren out for a morning walk and breakfast. The best time for them to nap is after lunch. Try to let them nap early, say 1 pm and sleep for a shorter duration, perhaps about 2 or 2 1 / 2 hours. That way they will still be able to go to bed relatively early at 9.30 pm ; depending on their age group. As the saying goes, “The early bird catches the worm.” Help your grandchildren build up this good habit while they are young.

b) Most home cook meals are high in nutritional value. If your grandchildren cannot finish lunch, do not fret. Don't run around feeding them for an hour. If they are hungry in between, cheese, fruits, carrots and tomatoes are good, healthy alternative snacks.

c) Children are not adults. They need to move around a lot. They have to run, jump, skip, play, laugh, feel, touch, talk. Let them do it, as long as it is safe. Children are kids - their job is to eat, rest and play. Read to them. Play with them. Puzzles, dough and crayons are easy and fun to play with. And when they are done playing with their toys, clean up with them. Inculcate in them the good habit of learning to take responsibility from a tender age. And don't make the mistake of keeping your grandchildren busy with the television or computer games - just to steal a few hours for yourself.

d) Healthy children need sunlight, fresh air and exercise. Take your grandchildren outdoors - to the park, library or nearby supermarket. Tell them the stories of old and see their inquisitive eyes light up with wonder, their minds burst with questions. Bond with them before the world snatches them away. The relationship will last a lifetime.

Raising grandchildren can be fun and gratifying if you can understand the child and go along with his / her personality. Swap notes about grand-parenting with your peers. The important thing is to reduce the stress and enjoy your grand-parenthood.


Helen Nicholaou is the founder of Our Future Prodigies Child Development Center . The views expressed by the author represent the opinions of the author and not those of the staff and management of the Centre For Seniors.